• Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~’Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’ — Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
• I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’ — Eleanor Roosevelt
• Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. — Mark Twain
• The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.– George Burns
• Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. — Victor Borge
• Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. — Mark Twain
• By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. — Socrates
• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. — Groucho Marx
• Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. — Alex Levine
• I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. — Bob Hope
• I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. — W.C. Fields
• We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.– Will Rogers
• Don’t worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you. — Winston Churchill
• Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty . But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. — Phyllis Diller
• By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. — Billy Crystal
• The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
• Give me a sense of humor, Lord;
  Give me the grace to see a joke,
  To get some humor out of life,
  And pass it on to other folk.

Thank you Sandra