A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: ‘I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!’

The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says:

‘I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!’
The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says,

‘I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!’

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says……………….. ‘Grandpa, ……. Go home! You’re drunk!

Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.

Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, “I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?”.

Jose says, …. “Look at your sign, what does it say?”

Carlos’ sign reads, “I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.”

Jose says, “No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars.”

Carlos says, “So what does your sign say?”

Jose shows Carlos his sign……

It reads, “I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico….”

The folks at Aviary, the web-based suite of creativity applications, offer up this handy–and silly–tutorial on how to overcome any weakness in your drawing in one easy step.

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store
operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper
ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. … You may choose any man from a particular
floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down
except to exit the building!

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An elderly couple , Marilyn and Bob, were attending

church services. About halfway through, Marilyn

leaned over and whispered to Bob , ‘I just let out

a long SILENT fart. What do you think I should do?’

Bob replied, ‘Put a new battery in your hearing aid.’

Thank you Sandra.

1. Men are like slinkies…not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

2. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, “Well, that’s not going to happen”.

3. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

4. The other night I ate at a really nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

5. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder in the car these days no one talks about seeing UFO’s like they used to?

6. You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the young guy replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, “All right. Get in.”