A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow
Great Quotes by Great Ladies
Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck
Old age ain’t no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis
A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.
A woman must do what he can’t.
-Rhonda Hansome
The phrase “working mother” is redundant.
-Jane Sellman
Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen
I try to take one day at a time, but sometime! s several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited
If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley
I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb
… and I’m also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton
I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man-if you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Great Quotes By Comedians
–Bobcat Goldthwait
“I’ve been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That’s where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister’s house and ask her for money.”
–Kevin Meaney
“My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim. I said,’Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’ “
–Paula Poundstone
“In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?”
–Warren Hutcherson
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
–Elayne Boosler
“Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?”
–John Mendoza
“Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.”
–Steven Wright
“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should beseverance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.”
–Bob Ettinger
“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.”
–Conan O’Brien
“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”
–Winston Spear
