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Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary

6:00 am – At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

6:00 pm – They’re home! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe —for now…

Via

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. That’s a cool saying by some old, dead scientist dude. What it means (for those of you without a background in the Physics) is: if you push a boring ball into a magnetic accelerator, you will find it amazing as a ball on the other end shoots out at high speed. See . . . boring is the opposite of amazing! And that’s how physics makes life fun.

But seriously, this is a really simple kit to put together and wonderfully illustrates a magnetic accelerator. You’ll have it ready and armed in a matter of minutes (no gluing required). Set the metal ball at the end of the track and watch as the energy transfers and multiplies down the track of magnets and metal balls until finally the last ball zooms off. The Magnetic Accelerator Kit is a great study for science fairs, but is just at home on your desk (just be careful what it sits near – these magnets are STRONG). Magnetic acceleration has a big place in our future (from weapons to travel) so why not start learning about it now? The future is today. Link: Magnetic Power Accelerator

Joseph Longo’s Plasma Converter turns our most vile and toxic trash into clean energy-and promises to make a relic of the landfill

From here

Excerpts from the article:

How It Works: Startech´s trash converter uses superheated plasma-an electrically conductive mass of charged particles (ions and electrons) generated from ordinary air-to reduce garbage to its molecular components. First the trash is fed into an auger that shreds it into small pieces. Then the mulch is delivered into the plasma chamber, where the superheated plasma converts it into two by-products. One is a syngas composed mostly of hydrogen and carbon monoxide, which is fed into the adjacent Starcell system to be converted into fuel. The other is molten glass that can be sold for use in household tiles or road asphalt.

Called plasma gasification, it works a little like the big bang, only backward (you get nothing from something). Inside a sealed vessel made of stainless steel and filled with a stable gas—either pure nitrogen or, as in this case, ordinary air—a 650-volt current passing between two electrodes rips electrons from the air, converting the gas into plasma. Current flows continuously through this newly formed plasma, creating a field of extremely intense energy very much like lightning.

The radiant energy of the plasma arc is so powerful, it disintegrates trash into its constituent elements by tearing apart molecular bonds. The system is capable of breaking down pretty much anything except nuclear waste, the isotopes of which are indestructible. The only by-products are an obsidian-like glass used as a raw material for numerous applications, including bathroom tiles and high-strength asphalt, and a synthesis gas, or “syngas”—a mixture of primarily hydrogen and carbon monoxide that can be converted into a variety of marketable fuels, including ethanol, natural gas and hydrogen.

Perhaps the most amazing part of the process is that it’s self-sustaining. Just like your toaster, Startech’s Plasma Converter draws its power from the electrical grid to get started. The initial voltage is about equal to the zap from a police stun gun. But once the cycle is under way, the 2,200˚F syngas is fed into a cooling system, generating steam that drives turbines to produce electricity. About two thirds of the power is siphoned off to run the converter; the rest can be used on-site for heating or electricity, or sold back to the utility grid. “Even a blackout would not stop the operation of the facility,”

Now, Mozilla has come up with a new version of Firefox. Take a look at some new features in Firefox 3, due later this month, but you can donload a beta version now, presented by Mozilla developer Mike Schroepfer.

Via

A classic Ladybird book about policemen has been updated to reflect modern policing. Very funny. Link

[via]

Big Buck Bunny is a charming 8-minute animation produced by Ton Roosendaal of the Blender Institute. Link -via Viral Video Chart

People write the strangest things on their resumes, sometimes downright hysterical. Why should only recruiting managers get to laugh at these?

Resume Hell:

1. “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”
2. “1990 – 1997: Stewardess – Royal Air Force”
3. Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”
4. “Service for old man to check they are still alive or not.”
5. Cleaning skills: “bleaching, pot washing, window cleaning, mopping, e.t.c”
6. “Job involved…counselling clientele on accidental insurance policies available”
7. “2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people”
8. “I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”
9. “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”
10. “Time is very valuable and it should be always used to achieve optimum results and I believe it should not be played around with”
11. “I belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…”

The Top 10

1. Application: How large was the department you worked in with your last company? “A: 3 stories.” (Resumania)
2. A resume listed a skill as “being bi-lingual in three languages” (Ask Annie’s)
3. Background: “28 dog years of experience in sales (four human).” (Resumania)
4. In the section that read “Emergency Contact Number” she wrote “911.” (Ask Annie’s)
5. Candidate drew a picture of a car on the outside of the envelope and said it was the hiring manager’s gift. (Careerbuilder.com)
6. Languages: “Fluent in English. Also I have been heard muttering Gibberish in my sleep.” (Resumania)
7. “Directed $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations.” (ResumePower.com)
8. On one of our applications, a girl wrote ” I’m 16, I’m pregnant and I can do anything.” At the same time she turned in her application, her boyfriend handed in his. On his: “Felony for breaking and entering.” (Ask Annie’s)
9. “One candidate included clipart on their resume of two cartoons shaking hands.” (Ask Annie’s)
10. Application: “On the line that asked what “sex” he was, he wrote “occassionally”.” (Ask Annie’s)

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